I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
