Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You ruined the universe
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