You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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