I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
