Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
