nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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