turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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