They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
