Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
