cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
