apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
