Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize