If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
