Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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