I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
