I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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