I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
