before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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