I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She just used a chaser for red wine.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
