someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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