Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
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