East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
