Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
