just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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