Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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