I am puke
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
