if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
