Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
