Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable