he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
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Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you