Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.