put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize