I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
