I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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