I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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