I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
