the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize