The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
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