More tranny stories later!
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
two words...techno handjob
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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