Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
