I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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