i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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