dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
