DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize