you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I would ride that face into the sunset
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
