Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
