I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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