My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
