but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
