I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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