I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
