He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
