I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
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