As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
