Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i walk over a car last night?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
