I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
