I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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