there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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