Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
