Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
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