Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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