pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
