just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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