you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
