Sacagawea was the original milf.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
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For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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