That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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