I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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