Don't make out with my wife yet
They should really pass out barf bags in church
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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