WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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