This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
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If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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