She's JV to your varsity
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
